"The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward apprearance, but the LORD looks at the heart." 1 Samuel 16:7. I've been reading a lot of books (in addition to the Bible) about parenting this year and have realized that I need to take this verse to "heart" when it comes to raising my children. In other words, behavior modification, just won't cut it. In order for your child to develop into the man or woman that God wants her to be, their behavior change is going to have to come from deep within...the place between them and God. My job is a parent is to guide them on that journey. I've prayed with my children after they have been disciplined, have had them memorize scripture about patience and self-control and have emphasized that they need to obey me in order to honor God. Enter, the Feingold diet.
Here is one "danger" if you will about this diet. Too often, we would like to blame something for our children's poor behavior (he's tired, he's hungry, he's off is normal schedule, etc.) These things are perhaps a "reason why", but not an excuse for naughtiness. I often say things like, "I understand that you are tired, but that is not an excuse for yelling at your brother." That is what I want to clarify about this food plan. I don't think that being on this food plan is going to get rid of all of my child's bad behavior or hyperactivity. That is not the point. Only God working in his life will help him overcome his natural state. What I am trying to do is to possibly eliminate the "reason why." If he does have sensitivities to certain chemicals then I need to eliminate them from his diet, just like I eliminated peanuts when I found out about his peanut allergy. In addition, some of the behaviors that I am hoping to see decrease are not necessarily problems of deep heart issues. Running everywhere or talking loudly all the time is not necessarily a deep heart issue. It's a behavior that needs to be modified.
Maybe I am getting a little philosophical, here. It is just something I am myself am grappling with as I keep his food/ behavior diary. I don't want to look at a behavior today and say, "Oh, he hit is brother because he had grapes at lunch." What kind of message is that sending! Yikes! It is interesting though, because when some of the overreacting behaviors are dimished, it is easier to see his true heart and communicate about the deep work that needs to be done there. As another Feingold mom said, "Diet is not (my son's) savior, Jesus is." For more on this visit http://practicingjoy.blogspot.com/2011/11/adhd-feingold-and-gospel.html. I found this after I wrote this blog and it is very applicable!
I know this is an old blog and and an old post but thank you for writing this.
ReplyDeleteWe are just starting Feingold and have tried other things too (supplements etc.) that some have helped and some haven't. In retrospect I feel badly for all the hours he has spent in time out due to things that were nearly out of his control. But I can't just "let them slide". Hopefully we will figure things out so he will be set up to do his best and I'll also be able to see what behavior is really "meanness" vs. a health problem.